It's a very strange experience living with the knowledge that some of your harm is the result of someone else's harm. My mom is honestly really cool, and she has been working on herself, and our relationship is much better than some of the parental relationships in my immediate circle, but I'm also viscerally aware that somehow, my granddad is the reason I don't have a close relationship to my mom or my (adopted) dad. By the time mom remarried, it was kind of too late for us. Neither of us knew what a good parental relationship looked like, and even having his family model some for us didn't end up helping. Our relationship now is good, it's fine, but the moment it stopped being a kid and their mom and became two adults who are related, it got better.