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It's generally acceptable for trans people (and, sometimes, for cis people if they're in a super-progressive space) to talk about how their body's gendered features are all wrong.
But I'm pretty sure that if I went to most of these spaces and started to talk about how my body is, well, too white, that I want to look like my brown grandfather (even if he was a complete waste of oxygen), I'd get crucified.
I'd say that this is part of my complex relationship to race in general and whiteness specifically, but... I've felt this way since before I knew he was brown.
I don't know if it's okay for me to feel this way. Or maybe it's okay for me to feel this way but not okay for me to act on it. Doing anything to make my skin darker feels like I would be appropriating brownness and pretending to be more marginalized than I really am.
But I'm pretty sure that if I went to most of these spaces and started to talk about how my body is, well, too white, that I want to look like my brown grandfather (even if he was a complete waste of oxygen), I'd get crucified.
I'd say that this is part of my complex relationship to race in general and whiteness specifically, but... I've felt this way since before I knew he was brown.
I don't know if it's okay for me to feel this way. Or maybe it's okay for me to feel this way but not okay for me to act on it. Doing anything to make my skin darker feels like I would be appropriating brownness and pretending to be more marginalized than I really am.
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