Let me sleeeeep

My cell provider keeps texting me at like three at night.

I know you have my location. I know you can track where my phone is at all times. Why can't you program your bloody messaging system to wait until a reasonable hour?

You can't take my disabled headcanons awaaaaaay!

Okay, you know those dramatic plots that only happen because the characters didn't do some super-basic thing?

From now on, I'm headcanoning every character who does that as disabled.

Didn't tell the love interest that the person they were out with was a relative and not an affair partner? Social anxiety means that it's hard to say things, they were looking for the right time.

Precursor did something, but only half-way, and now it needs to be fixed? They had chronic fatigue and couldn't find the energy to finish the job.

Character who is good at something suddenly freezes up and can't do it at a critical moment? They just saw something that hit on one of their triggers and quietly had a panic attack.

Needed to go somewhere to do something critical, but didn't? They have a busted immune system, and the other place had an outbreak of a very dangerous disease.

Forgot to do something and now everything is going wrong? Executive dysfunction is the worst.

The whole plot could have been prevented if someone had just moved some stuff around? The person in charge of doing that had a flare-up and couldn't work through the pain.

Messed up even though there were written instructions right there? Learning disability makes it hard to process words sometimes.

Give me a fancy chair and call me Sibyl

This morning, I had a dream that I was getting up and going through the usual morning routine.

I then got up and did exactly that.

It was a prophetic dream, everyone!

What do you MEAN you've never heard of a Khrushchyovka?!

I have never felt more alienated from society than the time I tried to watch some not-quite-silent cartoons from my homeland with a US born and raised person and had to pause every thirty seconds to explain something super culture-specific.

Ten years later, I'm still confused by this story

The first time I was buying foundation, I had a couple of female friends with me.

Being, you know, Super Pale, I picked up the super pale kind (I think it was called "morning light" or something, makeup names are weird and hilarious).

My friends all FREAKED OUT. "There is no way you are that pale! [Friend] is that pale, and you're definitely darker than her!" And they would not let up until I caved and bought a darker shade ("beige rose" or something like that).

A few days later, I wore it for the first time, and another friend, who was not known for being tactful, asks me "why is your face kind of brown?"

There's probably an interesting analysis on race/gender stuff in there somewhere, but honestly, I'm just flabbergasted that my friends didn't think I knew what skin color I have.

Focusing on the important things, see

The shield-weaver armor is great!

I can jump off high ledges and take no damage.

New language family: neurodivergentian

People are out there studying linguistics for years to develop new conlangs, when all you have to do is lock me and a dozen other autistic people in a room for a few days and record what we say when we come out.

I can be butch AND a peacock!

I have no idea who decided that men's fashion should all be in shades of black and grey with the occasional dull green or deep red thrown in, but they can fucking meet my rainbow-clad ass in the damn pit.

LET ME WEAR BRIGHT FUCHSIA SUITS, DAMN YOU!

But the lovers die so it's a wash anyway

Eastern European folk music is all "yeah, there's a war and a plague and the monarch is a homicidal bastard, but we're going to sing about love because otherwise our audience will die of profound sadness".