Everyone: Autumn is the best season! Me: Urghhhhh send me to Australia.

[palominocorn]

It's been autumn for two stinking weeks and my brain is already trying to go off the deep end.

My motivation to do anything is totally shot, I'm more prone to thinking of negative things, and my ability to care about anything is refusing to cooperate.

It's not a full-blown depressive episode (this will be my first year off meds since therapy/moving/cutting ties with family), but it's the stuff that showed up before previous autumn/winter depressive episodes in the past.

Comments

+1

[hellofriendsiminthedark]

Once it drops below 85F, my brain gets shot and everything is depression. It makes me incredibly sad when people viscerally hate summer and love things like rain and sweater weather and dying plants.

Re: +1

[palominocorn]

Yeah, people being all cheerful about falling leaves and snow and the cold makes me grumpy. Wouldn't bother me nearly as much if it didn't come with a side of "YOU are a freak for not loving Halloween/Thanksgiving/Christmas, how dare you be depressed during the HAPPIEST TIME OF THE YEAR" that just... really grates on the nerves after a few years of feeling suicidal this time of year.

Is it temperature-based for you? For me it's the lack of light, if I'm in the South and it's super-warm but still kind of dark I still get miserable. I got a light box early this year and I'm going to see if it helps.

Re: +1

[hellofriendsiminthedark]

It's not expressly temperature-based, but the cold doesn't help (and my physical body hurts more when it's cold). Other compounding factors include the fact that I'm involved with a sport that keeps me outside in direct sunlight doing exercise for ridiculously long stretches of time during the summer, but then the season ends when fall hits, and that creates a drastic change in my sociality and exercise habits. But I love the sun and sunshine and the feeling of warm sun on my skin, and the colder seasons come with less daylight (if it gets dark before like 8 pm, I will riot) but also less of the warm sun feeling, even if the sun is out.