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I saw a post on Tumblr a few months ago that was a list of things allos could do to support aros, and one of the items was "prioritize your friendships as much as your romantic relationships".
Now, I understand that this point was probably born out of the pain of being set aside once a friend entered a romantic relationship. But if you think about it for longer than about thirty seconds it just... does not work like that.
I mean, okay, maybe if your romantic relationship boils down to dinner dates once a week, and you have a wide open schedule, and you have the energy to hang out with people every night, and you have less than six friends, that might work out.
But if you're cohabiting with your partners, or you have commitments like two jobs or kids, or you're an introvert who needs loads of alone time, or you have twenty friends... that's just not mathematically possible at all. There literally aren't that many hours in a day.
Even if the writer was talking not about time but about feelings... well, honestly, most people can't make themselves care more about their friends than they already do, and they can only care about their partners less if they break up and put some distance between themselves. It just does not work like that.
I'm really annoyed, because if this is on a list of "how to be a good friend/ally to aros", then that carries a strong implication that if you don't do this, you're a bad friend/ally. I don't believe in making people feel bad about things they can't control.
Now, I understand that this point was probably born out of the pain of being set aside once a friend entered a romantic relationship. But if you think about it for longer than about thirty seconds it just... does not work like that.
I mean, okay, maybe if your romantic relationship boils down to dinner dates once a week, and you have a wide open schedule, and you have the energy to hang out with people every night, and you have less than six friends, that might work out.
But if you're cohabiting with your partners, or you have commitments like two jobs or kids, or you're an introvert who needs loads of alone time, or you have twenty friends... that's just not mathematically possible at all. There literally aren't that many hours in a day.
Even if the writer was talking not about time but about feelings... well, honestly, most people can't make themselves care more about their friends than they already do, and they can only care about their partners less if they break up and put some distance between themselves. It just does not work like that.
I'm really annoyed, because if this is on a list of "how to be a good friend/ally to aros", then that carries a strong implication that if you don't do this, you're a bad friend/ally. I don't believe in making people feel bad about things they can't control.