Unfortunately Not a Real Pony

If you have kids, you just can't win, can you?

If you have biological kids (especially if you need any sort of ART), you get bashed for adding more people to an """"overpopulated"""" world. If you adopt, you'll get told "they're not your real kids".

If you give birth at home with no medical intervention, you'll get accused of "trying to kill your baby". If you go to the hospital and get an epidural or C-section or anything, you'll get told you're "perverting" nature's way.

Breastfeeding? "You're preventing anyone else from forming that special bond with the baby." Pumping? "You're wasting so much time." Formula feeding? "You're KILLING YOUR BABY!!!eleven!!"

One of you is a SAHP? You'll get accused of lying around all day eating bon-bons. Hire a nanny? Selfish rich person! Have a friend or relative look after the kid? You're TAKING ADVANTAGE of the poor person (who clearly couldn't possibly have consented to this arrangement /s). Send 'em to daycare? Strangers raising your kid is the worst thing ever, might as well just send them to the foster system right now!

Public school? Ruining their future. Private school? Giving them airs. Homeschooling? You're probably just going to let them laze about all day.

And if you look at all that (or heck, even at all the work you do just raising your sprogs) and decide to nope out of the whole concept? You selfish person, how dare you, don't you know that humanity is dying off (we're really not). You just can't win!

(Yes, some of these choices get more pushback than others, but I've never seen a 100% approved parenting choice. And yes, some people get more crap than others.)

At the time my siblings, cousins, and I were born, our country's hospitals had a rule: only medical staff and pregnant person allowed in the delivery room.

The idea of giving birth surrounded by strangers in mint green uniforms while my partner sits outside having anxiety attacks is... pretty horrifying to me.

A friend who didn't have kids once told me that fathers* should not be in the delivery room. "Why would he want to keep having sex with you after seeing THAT?"

My personal opinion is that if someone can be permanently turned off by some poop and placenta, they should not have kids, period.

*Her word, not mine. I wasn't about to get into a debate on gender with someone whose idea of arguing was to scream until you backed down.