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Enemy rogue: (hits me with sneak attack)

Me: "Are you freaking critting me?!"

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Fairy tale: "And the entire kingdom... did not use salt!"

Me, a notorious salt-hater: "...and this is a problem?"

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( waves at tags )

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( This one's more about me )

I have no idea what is going on

The first line of my resume is "Palomino Unicorn (previously known as Roan Antelope)" to save myself the headache of explaining "yes, I used to have a different name" to every single person running a background check on me.

Apparently this breaks automated systems, because I keep getting emails addressed "Dear Previously Known" like that is my name.

(no subject)

When dragons respond to an invitation, do they Rar-SVP?

The most relatable post I will ever make

Supervillain: "Tell me the combination to the Super Important Safe!"

Movie!Me: "Never!"

Supervillain: "Then I will... make you interact with strangers! Mua ha ha!"

Movie!Me: "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"